Melkor is the BEST Parent Ever
by Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant
Summary: Melkor was plotting his evil schemes, when Sauron interrupts him with some rather frighting news: Feanor, the insane creator of the Silmarils, has been reborn as an Elfling, and it is up to Melkor and Sauron to raise him. Now Melkor has to deal with Feanor's gem obsession, a manipulative Manwe, and an over protective Maedhros. In other words, it's all in a days work for a Dark Lord
1. Feanor is Reborn! OO

_Here I am, writing yet another story, when I could (should) be updating my older ones. But I couldn't get this out of my head! ___I REGRET NOTHING! _ And yes, I know this is inaccurate to canon and everyone is OOC, but that's how it is supposed to be. _

_So. Here we have elfling!Feanor, father!Melkor, father!Sauron. We'll also (hopefully) have some fluffy family scenes (if I can manage it) and maybe even some angst! (Can you write angst in a parody?) Also, have a manipulative/slightly ditzy!Manwe thrown in! _

_Anyway, Maaaannnnweee, do mah disclaimer!_

_Manwe: Okay! Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own the Silmarillion or any of its characters!_

_Wow, I've never had anyone do this so quickly._

_Manwe: I'm amazing, that's why!_

_Anyway, enjoy the randomness!_

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><p>Melkor was sitting on his throne, plotting away, when he was so very interrupted by his lieutenant, Sauron.<p>

"LORD MELKOR, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!"

Melkor sighed. Really, Sauron was so _dramatic_ at times. He wondered what the problem was _this_ time. Probably some Orc trekking mud through the fortress. Sauron was a complete neat freak, and the last time an Orc had brought mud in, Sauron had freaked out. The offending Orc had regretted that, although he hadn't long to regret, before Sauron had sliced him into ribbons.

"What _now_, Sauron?" Melkor demanded irritably. "Can't you see I'm busy plotting evil schemes?!"

"Thi – THIS!" the frantic Maia reached behind him and yanked an Elfling (_Wait, an Elfling?! Whaaaat?!_) into view. "THIS HERE, THIS BABY ELF THING!"

The Elf child crossed his arms and pouted. "I am _not_ a 'baby Elf thing'!" And he promptly kicked Sauron in the shin.

"ARRRGHGH! YOU LITTLE BRAT!" Sauron lunged at the little Elf, who easily dodged the furious Maia.

"STOP IT, SAURON! AND YOU! HOW IN THE NAME OF ERU DID YOU GET HERE?!" Melkor shrieked.

The Elfling scowled. "I have a name, you know."

"Oh? And what, _pray tell_, is it?" Melkor was soooo going to kill this upstart little brat. After he learned his name. Melkor had a policy that he should know the names of everyone he killed. It was only polite.

"Feanor."

Dead. Silence.

Melkor stared at the Elfling, wondering if he was joking. The child's face was serious. Melkor glanced at Sauron, who looked resigned. Clearly, Sauron had already known this.

"…come again?"

"Feanor! Are you deaf?!" Tiny Feanor shook his head. The rude and annoying red-haired guy that had dragged him here had reacted the same as this black armored guy. Honestly, was everyone in this giant fortress this stupid?

"You can't be Feanor!" Melkor snapped. Of course he couldn't! Feanor was dead!

"But I am!"

Melkor glared. "You're obviously lying."

"I AM NOT!"

Melkor turned his glare to Sauron. "Sauron! What did you bring this here for?! Why didn't you just kill him and be done with it! We do not need some brat running about pretending to be that obnoxious Noldo!"

"I'M NOT LYING, YOU JERK!"

Melkor twitched. "Sauron, you'd better have a good reason…"

Sauron flinched. "Um… Gothmog and a whole bunch of Orcs wouldn't let me kill him. They said even though we're evil, we have to draw the line somewhere, and killing a child is one of those lines."

Melkor was silent.

"And… well… I sort of… agree." Sauron flinched again, hoping Melkor didn't decide to smite him.

Melkor said nothing.

Suddenly! Manwe appeared!

Melkor jumped so hard, he nearly toppled off his throne. " #%$!"

Sauron's eyes nearly popped out of his head. Feanor just watched, wondering why he had to be surrounded by such weirdos.

Manwe smiled pleasantly. "Hello, brother. I see you have found Feanor."

Melkor recovered from his shock quickly. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T GOING TO INTERFERE! AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'I SEE YOU HAVE FOUND FEANOR'?! ISN'T HE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD?!"

"Quite dead," Manwe agreed, not at all phased by Melkor's screeching.

Melkor waited, seething. When Manwe didn't elaborate, Melkor gritted his teeth, and, with forced calm, asked, "And why, exactly, is he alive? And as an Elfling, no less."

"Oh, so you and Sauron can raise him, of course."

"…what." Melkor could not believe what he was hearing. Perhaps he had heard wrong?

~sudden flashback!~

"So," Manwe said, "Feanor is finally dead."

"Yes," Namo replied, hoping Manwe didn't decide to ask him to give Feanor counseling or something. He had enough work in the Halls without having to try to counsel an insane Noldo.

Manwe slapped the arm of his throne. "Well then! Looks like I can set my plan in motion!"

"Er… what plan, dear?" Varda asked, cautiously. She knew all too well how her husbands 'plans' usually turned out. She wasn't looking forward to this one bit.

"The plan where we let Feanor be reborn as an Elfling and send him to Melkor and Sauron to be raised!"

Silence.

"…what." Namo was seriously starting to wonder if Manwe had lost it.

Varda sighed. Yes, this sounded _exactly_ like something her husband would do. "And what do you hope to accomplish with that, dear?"

"To teach those two how to care, of course!" Manwe beamed. He was a genius.

~end of flashback!~

Melkor just stared at his grinning baby brother. He knew that Manwe often had weird, over the top plans, but this just had to be the strangest and least thought out of them all.

"And what makes you think I won't just kill him?"

Manwe laughed. "Silly Melkor, I know you won't. I know that Sauron and the rest of your minions have a no-killing-children policy. If you killed an Elfling, you'd have a rebellion on your hands!"

Melkor cringed. It was true. For some Gothmag and the rest were such softies when it came to children. And while Sauron couldn't tolerate the little brats for more than 2 seconds, he still wouldn't kill them. Honestly, Sauron had so much to learn about being Evil. Still, unless Melkor _wanted_ every one of his servants to rebel against him (and he really didn't, because then he'd have to go all the way back to square one, and taking over the world would take so much longer. And he was too lazy to start over) he would have to let Feanor live. But that didn't mean he had to keep him.

As if he could read Melkor's mind (and who knew, he probably could) Manwe smirked and added, "And if you try to abandon Feanor somewhere or give him to someone else, the rest of us Valar are going to finally interfere and overthrow you. You do realize you're only still here because we haven't united against you, right?"

"…"

"Great! Glad you are so agreeable! Well, have fun!" Manwe waved cheerfully and vanished.

"…I hate him."

Feanor stared at Melkor.

"…what?"

"Can I have those shiny gems on your crown? They're so _shiny_." Feanor gazed at the Silmarils adoringly.

Great. The brat obviously did not remember his previous life, and yet he still lusted for the Silmarils. Wonderful. Well, there was no way Feanor was ever going to get his hands on Melkor's ickle Silmarils.

So he gave the obvious answer. "OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

Little Feanor's lips quivered. Then, without warning, he burst into loud sobs.

Melkor hastily covered his ears, noticing that Sauron zoomed out of the room, also covering his own ears.

Melkor sighed. Taking over Middle-earth was going to be a lot harder now.

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><p><em>I just love the idea of Sauron being a neat freak and obsessed with shiny things. He's almost as obsessed with shiny things as Feanor. Almost. <em>


	2. Maedhros Will Suffer No Incompetence

_ Enter protective!Maedhros. From here on out, we shall have lots of comedy, OOCness, tantrums on Feanor's part, pretty Silmarils, and Maedhros owning Melkor and Sauron in the parenting department.  
><em>

_This is what happens when I decide to reread the Silmarillion; it sparked an obsession! Also, I spent the beginning of the book happily going "FEANOR FEANOR FEANOR FEANOR!" and then the chapter of his death rudely slapped me in the face today. I knew it was coming, but still! T_T I'm really dreading the part where Fingon dies... Also, Sauron is just so adorable, I just want to hug him and keep him forever and save him from Luthien totally owning him. _

_Disclaimer tiiiiiiimmmmeeeee! _

_Fingon: Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own the Silmarillion or the characters._

_Aww, thanks! You're so adorable!_

_Fingon: ..._

_Also, what are you doing here?! Go and save Maedhros!_

_Fingon: ...but he's fine in this story._

_Oh... right. Well, go and save him anyway, so I can bring you into this story! Also, you should bring Maglor and the rest of his brothers with you, so they can also show up! Y'all gotta meet Efling!Feanor!_

_Fingon: ...please don't divert too much from canon. You know full well I go to save him alone. _

_Oh, yeah... Ah well, I can always write a separate one shot showing Elfling!Feanor meeting Maglor and the rest! Everyone must meet an Efling!Feanor! He's adorable! _

_Fingon: ...don't spoil future projects._

_Me? Spoil? *halo over head*_

_Fingon: ..._

_Anyway, enjoy everyone!_

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><p><strong>Maedhros Will Suffer No Incompetence<strong>

**Or In Which Maedhros is So Overprotective He Even Scares Sauron**

"I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME THOSE SHINY GEMS!" Feanor screamed with all his might, hoping that if he were annoying enough, he'd finally get those lovely gems. They were just so shiny, and Feanor _loved_ shiny things.

Melkor groaned. He could feel a headache coming on, and he was pretty sure that, as a Vala, he was not supposed to get headaches. Feanor had been throwing a tantrum for hours now, and Melkor had to wonder how the Elfling didn't pass out of lack of air.

Melkor shook his head. For a while, things had been going well with Feanor. Melkor, having had enough of Feanor's sobbing had demanded that Sauron do something. Sauron, being obsessed with shiny things himself, had finally led Feanor to his 'secret' stash of gems and jewels. Of course, Melkor knew all about said 'secret' stash, but he had decided to pretend he didn't know. He did find it odd that Sauron horded treasure as obsessively as a dragon, but, well, one needed a hobby, he supposed.

So, Feanor had immediately been distracted by all the shiny stuff, and, when Sauron said Feanor could play with the treasure, the Elfling had immediately gathered up all kinds of gems and jewelry. Strangely, Sauron and Feanor had actually bonded during that time, both talking excitedly about shiny treasure. The two got along quite well, now.

Unfortunately, the peace didn't last long, and Feanor once again began to demand the Silmarils. Only, this time, Sauron was on his side. Sauron kept hinting that it wouldn't hurt Melkor to at least let Feanor touch the Silmarils ("They are really shiny, after all, Master. You can't blame him for wanting them! They're so pretty!") and Feanor… just kept being Feanor.

Now, normally Melkor would be able to somewhat handle this, but this was a really, really, really bad time for Feanor's tantrums. He'd _finally_ captured Maedhros, and the captive Elf was going to arrive any minute. Melkor had happily planned for weeks (maybe even months) of tormenting Maedhros both physically and mentally, and then finally hanging him up by his wrist on a cliff. It was going to be such _fun._ But noooo, now Melkor was going to have to hold off the torment, until he could get Feanor to shut the heck up!

"…And Master, if he could just hold them for even a second, I think that would be a great help! He can't help but be attracted to them, you know; he did make them!"

"I MUST HAVE THOSE GEMS! THEY ARE MINE! MY OWN! MY PRECIOUSSESSSSSSSS!"

"SHUT UP YOU TWO, BEFORE I KILL YOU!"

Both Feanor and Sauron shut up, staring at Melkor with wide eyes.

Melkor glared, breathing heavily. "Now listen up! I've finally captured Maedhros-"

"Who's that?" Feanor interrupted.

Melkor was greatly tempted to answer, _your son_, but decided against it. It would only creep Feanor out and lead to a whole bunch of questions Melkor didn't want to get into.

Luckily, Sauron had an answer. "He's a very bad Elf who is trying to destroy us! Remember what I said about all Elves except you being evil?"

Feanor nodded.

"Well, he's a prime example of an evil Elf."

"Oh. Okay."

Melkor rolled his eyes at how easily Feanor accepted that explanation, but didn't argue. It was kind of weird how Feanor was technically being raised to be evil, but whatever.

"Yes, well, do not cause trouble while I'm working!" Melkor finally finished.

"But I want the Silmarils."

"No!"

Feanor stubbornly stuck out his chin. "Then I shall scream and cry the entire time. This Maedhros won't be able to take you seriously."

Melkor twitched. He didn't have time for this! "Fine! You can hold them afterwards, but only for 5 minutes! Got it!?"

"A day."

"5 minutes."

"I shall scream."

Melkor could sense that the Balrogs had returned with Maedhros and were on the way to his throne room. Feanor was taking a deep breath, ready to resume screaming. Melkor panicked.

"Okay! A day!"

Feanor closed his mouth and smiled. He could always out argue Melkor.

And he won not a moment too soon, because just then, the Balrogs entered with their prisoner.

Feanor frowned as he took in the blood stained Elf. He looked familiar… But he couldn't put his finger on it… He shrugged. Eh, whatever. At least he would finally get to hold the Silmarils.

Maedhros, for his part, was rather shocked to see an Elfling in the room, right next to Sauron. What in Middle-earth was Morgoth doing with and Elfling?!

Melkor rose from his throne, in all his dark glory, and smirked evilly at Maedhros. He was all about to make some grand, evil Dark Lord speech, when Feanor suddenly shrieked.

The little Elf had snuck over toward the Balrogs, to get a better look at the prisoner (he had been wanting to see an evil Elf for a while, now) and had apparently did something to annoy one of the Balrog's, because it was now holding Feanor by his ankles, and swinging him about.

"Stop it!" Feanor cried.

The Balrog ignored him. Sauron looked slightly concerned but figured that Feanor would be fine. While he had taken a liking to the Elf, Sauron didn't exactly know anything about children and raising/punishing them, and figured that getting swung by the ankles was a normal punishment. Melkor face palmed, but did nothing. The brat did deserve it. Besides, the Balrog could have done something worse.

Maedhros, apparently, disagreed. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TO THAT ELFLING?!" And, being completely ticked off and disgusted, Maedhros managed to break out of his bonds and leapt at the Balrog.

Both Sauron and the Balrog made the O_O face and rushed away from the seething Elf, the Balrog dropping Feanor to the ground.

Maedhros, being rather fit for someone who had just been defeated in an exhausting battle, heroically leapt and caught Feanor before he hit the ground. Feanor, sensing he had a sympathetic ally, immediately forgot all of Sauron's teachings about "evil Elves and avoiding them at all costs" and broke into heartbreaking sobs, clinging to Maedhors.

"I wasn't doing anything wrong!" the Elfling wailed. "Why did he hurt me?!"

Maedhros immediately embraced Feanor and stroked his hair, murmuring soothing words. He glared at the offending Balrog, causing it to squeak (yes, it SQUEAKED) in fear and flee the room. Maedhros transferred his glare to Sauron who made the O_O face again and hid behind Melkor.

Thus, Melkor found himself at the receiving end of Maedhros' glare, and he had to admit, it was unnerving.

"You ought to be ashamed of yourselves, treating a defenseless and innocent Elfling like that!" Maedhros snarled, apparently forgetting he was scolding the Dark Lord and not some random Elf or one of his brothers. "Honestly, you shouldn't have a child with you if you're going to act like that!"

"It's not like I wanted him!" Melkor protested. "Besides, that Balrog didn't hurt him! He could have done much worse!" He paused. Wait. Why am I defending myself against my prisoner?! "And you don't have a say! You are my prisoner, and-!"

Maedhros wasn't listening. He had stood up, Feanor still in his arms, and was critically eyeing the room. He clicked his tongue in disgust. "Honestly, _what_ a place to raise a child. Look at this room! It's so filthy!"

Sauron pouted. "I've been trying to clean it! You try to keep the fortress nice and clean with a bunch of uncouth Orcs and Balrogs running around!"

Gothmag, who had been silently observing for the whole time, frowned. "I resent that!"

"And," Maedhros continued, ignoring the Maia and Balrog, "this poor Elfling looks half-starved! Have you even been feeding him?! And these clothes are much too big on him! And it is freezing in here! Do any of you even know how to care for a child?! No, don't answer," he groaned, before anyone could speak up. "Of course you don't! I've never seen such incompetence in my life, oh this is even worse during that time Fingon tried to babysit-" he broke off whatever he was going to say, when he noticed Feanor was shivering pathetically. "Are you cold?!"

"N-no. I'm just- I'm just scared that he'll," Feanor pointed at Meklor, "make that Balrog watch me again."

Maedhros's eyes bugled. "He had that Balrog watch you once?!

Feanor sniffled. "Yes. It was- it was horrible!" He dissolved into more sobbing, grinning evilly at Melkor when Maedhros turned his attention to the Dark Lord.

Sauron tried not to laugh. Feanor was a manipulative little thing.

Maedhros drew himself up to his full height (which, of course, was really freaking tall) and snarled at Melkor.

Melkor blinked, stunned. This puny little Elf had dared to snarl at him?! Oh, that was it!

Unfortunately, the little Brat known as Feanor read Melkor's murderous attempt and jumped to Maedhros's rescue. "DON'T HURT MY FRIEND!" He proceed to scream and wail so loudly, that Melkor could not stand it.

"Alright! Fine! I won't hurt him!" Melkor flinched. It hurt to say those words. "But I'm certainly not letting him go free! If he tries to escape, I will kill him!"

Maedhros huffed. He had figured he wasn't getting out easily. But he wouldn't have abandoned this young Elf to be alone with Morgoth and Sauron anyway, and he knew there was no way he could get out of this fortress with an Elfling in tow. "Well, fine. But if I'm stuck here, there are going to be some changes. _I_ am going to make sure this young Elf actually has a fit place to live in!"

"You do that," Melkor said irritably, not realizing that he had just given Maedhros permission to pretty much do whatever he wanted to the way things worked in this fortress. He was too busy trying to get this over with, so he could go lie down. Valar apparently did get headaches, because he had a big one.

Maedhros smirked, noticing that Melkor had just agreed to let him do what he wanted to this place without even realizing it. As long as he was stuck here, this place was going to become decent enough for an Elfling.

Feanor smiled hugely at this red-haired Elf that was obviously on his side. Also, he annoyed bossy Melkor which, for Feanor, meant an instant friendship. "I'm glad you're here!"

Maedhros smiled at the little Elf. He was really adorable and sort of reminded Maedhros of his father. He clearly was too much for Melkor and Sauron to handle, and Maedhros wouldn't be surprised if his father had been like this as an Elfling. "What is your name, little one?"

"Feanor!"

Maedhros was the third person of that day to make the O_O face.

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><p><em>Feanor is a manipulative little brat, isn't he? XD Man, Maedhros is just scary when an Elfling is involved. Well, he IS the oldest of 7 sons. Also, Maedhros now has full reign in changing their fortress (It's Angband, I think?) to be a proper place for an Elfling to grow up. O.O Melkor and Sauron are in for it. And again, this is a parody, so everyone is OOC, and this isn't supposed to be accurate to the book. Also, I have no idea who Fingon once tried to babysit. <em>


	3. Melkor and Feanor are Scolded

_Remember, my friends, if you are an adult Elf and have sworn an Oath and have waged war against THE Dark Lord, then there is nothing wrong with trying to steal the Silmarils. If, however, you are a child Elf, and have **not **waged war (previous lives do not count) then you are being naughty and must apologize to said Dark Lord for taking his crown. _

_Also, Fingon was greatly needed in this fic. And yes, I know it took a few years before he actually got to Maedhros, but I'm messing with the timeline and making it a few days. After all, we don't want Feanor to grow up yet, now do we? In fact, just prepare for the time phrase in this to not be canon. _

_I do not own the Silmarillion or its characters. I don't even own Sauron's feather duster. Shame, really._

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><p><strong>Melkor and Feanor are Scolded<strong>

**Or In Which Melkor and Feanor Fight Over Shiny Silmarils and Sauron Has a Feather Duster**

Sauron hated to admit it, but that red-haired Feanorian was actually good for something. After Melkor had given Maedhros permission to do whatever he wanted to do to the fortress (and Sauron still laughed about that, knowing full well that Melkor hadn't really been paying attention when he had given said permission) the first thing Maedhros had done was ordered the fortress to be cleaned as soon as possible. Cleaned thoroughly. And he made the Orcs do the cleaning.

Sauron cackled with glee. Finally, _finally_, the fortress was going to be cleaned properly. Sauron had always tried his best to keep it clean, but he was only one Maia, and it was a big fortress. The Orcs and Balrogs would never help him, ever since Melkor had told them that they didn't have to. Sauron could not keep up with all the mud and filth tracked in day by day, and he had actually been quite close to despairing.

But now, the fortress was getting to be so clean! Disgruntled Orcs swept and mopped and dusted and scrubbed, all directed by a very bossy Elf. The Orcs had rebelled at first, but Melkor –who had oddly looked as if he had a headache, but Sauron had always thought Valar _couldn't_ get headaches. He knew Maiar couldn't- had ordered them to do what Maedhros told them to do. Melkor hadn't been seen since, the Dark Lord having went to lie down.

Sauron's glee suddenly dimmed, when he noticed that some careless Orcs had missed a very dusty spot. No, that would not do. Whipping out his trusty feather duster from thin air, Sauron zoomed over to the dusty area, and energetically began dusting it.

Maedhros happened to be passing by, when he saw Sauron whoosh by, duster in hand. He was still kind of weirded out about how much of a neat freak that Maia was, but at least that meant he had backed Maedhros up. Sauron even seemed to like cleaning, actually humming while he did so. Maedhros shrugged. Whatever made him happy, he supposed.

Anyway, he didn't have time to watch Sauron. He had an elfling to find. Maedhros frowned. He still couldn't believe that the wild elfling was Feanor. After he had recovered from his shock, Maedhros had asked Sauron what the heck was going on. Apparently, it was all a plan of Manwe to make Sauron and Melkor learn to care. Maedhros snorted. Like that would ever happen. Still, as creepy as it was, Maedhros still was _not_ going to leave a young Elf in the hands of Melkor and Sauron, _especially _if that Elf was his father. He didn't care that Feanor obviously remembered nothing of his previous life; Feanor was still his father, and it was Maedhros's duty as a son to protect him. (Although he had to admit, it was freaky thinking of Feanor as his father, when Feanor was now much younger than him).

Maedhros's thoughts were interpreted by a loud shriek of "FEANOOOOOORRRR!"

Feanor rushed into the room, clutching Melkor's crown, and laughing rather evilly. Melkor wasn't far behind, his face red with rage, shaking his fist at Feanor.

"GIVE THAT BACK, YOU LITTLE BRAT!"

"Never! You said I could hold the Silmarils for a day, and you never let me!" Feanor spotted Maedhros, and ran over to him. "Maedhros, he promised! Make him keep his promise!"

"MAKE THAT BRAT GIVE THAT BACK, OR I SWEAR, I'LL- I'LL-!"

Maedhros rolled his eyes. "You'll what? Hang me by my wrists on a cliff?"

Sauron paused his cleaning. "How did you know _that_? Lord Melkor never mentioned that plan to anyone but me. Can you read minds?!"

Maedhros stared at him. "I was being sarcastic."

"Oh."

Maedhros continued staring. "Was he _really_ going to do that?"

Sauron suddenly regretted speaking up. "Um… no?"

Maedhros was starting to look freaked out.

Melkor groaned. He'd better intervene, before things got out of hand. "Of _course_ not," he said sweetly. "I'd _never_ do that. Young Feanor is too attached to you." _Actually, I would, if I could get away with it. But then Feanor would jump at me like a rabid animal, teeth bared, like he did that one time- no, best not think about that. Some things should never be remembered. _

Maedhros still didn't look very convinced, but luckily he decided to drop the subject. He turned to Feanor. "Now, Feanor, what is going on?"

Feanor pointed at Melkor. "He promised I could have the Silmarils for a day, and now he won't let me!"

So. Feanor still wanted those… Maedhros internally sighed. No surprise there. "Is that true?"  
>Melkor fidgeted. "Possibly…"<p>

"Then you should keep your promise. No one likes a Dark Lord who breaks his promises, Morgoth."

Melkor pouted. Sauron tried unsuccessfully to disguise his snicker as a cough. Melkor glared at him. Sauron smiled innocently and resumed dusting.

Feanor grinned. He had won. His grin soon faded, however, when Maedhros turned to him. "And Feanor, even if he did break his promise, it was wrong of you to steal his crown."

Feanor stared at him in disbelief. "Wait a minute! You told me that you and a bunch of other Elves swore an Oath to get those Silmarils! Wouldn't you be stealing his crown then?!"

"That's different, Feanor. We're adult Elves who waged a war to get back our rightful property. You, on the other hand, are a child and have no part in this war. So, apologize."

"To him?! No!"

Sauron had stopped dusting again, and just stared. Maedhros was making the creator of the Silmarils apologize to Melkor. This was too weird.

"Feanor, you aren't about to get into the habit of stealing! Now, if you don't apologize before I count to three, then I shall not let you have the Silmarils."

Feanor gaped at him. "You _wouldn't_."

"Oh, but I _would_." Oddly enough, Maedhros was enjoying this. It was kind of fun being the one to scold his father, instead of the other way around. "One."

Feanor clamped his jaw and glared stubbornly at the floor.

"Two."

Feanor twitched slightly. He glanced at Maedhros, and when he saw Maedhros's determined expression, the elfling started to panic.

"Thr-"

"Okay! Okay! Melkor, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have stolen your crown!" Feanor yelped, the prospect of not being able to hold the Silmarils making him swallow his pride.

Melkor sniffed. "I'll accept your apology… _if_ you help the Orcs clean." Melkor had to admit, it actually was nice having a cleaner fortress. Sauron had apparently had the right idea.

"Argh. _Fine_," Feanor muttered, putting as much annoyance as he could into his tone. He turned sulkily to Maedhros. "Can I have the Silmarils now?"

"Ask Morgoth, not me. And ask him nicely."

Feanor sighed. Why, oh why, did he have to suffer so? "Melkor, may I please have the Silmarils?" he asked as nicely as he could. It came out sounding like he wanted to smack someone, but for Feanor, that was actually a very pleasant tone. Normally he sounded like he wanted to strangle someone and then set fire to the surrounding land, including the victim's body. Not necessarily in that order.

"I suppose." Melkor had to admit, he found it amusing that the maker of the Silmarils was asking if he could hold them. "But you'd better not lose them!"

Feanor looked shocked. "I'd never lose them!"

"Bring them back at the end of the day."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Feanor, seeing that the scolding was over with, stalked out of the room with Melkor's crown, managing to look as if all the world belonged to him.

Maedhros watched him go, feeling a wave of wistfulness. He remembered the adult version of Feanor having that expression. As nice as it was that his father was at least alive, Maedhros missed him as an adult.

Melkor just wished Feanor had stayed dead. He sighed. So much for vowing that he'd never take that crown off his head.

Sauron was giggling. Man, was this entertaining. His laugher ended abruptly, when Gothmog entered, trailing mud and blood.

"Master, we have a-" Gothmog was interrupted by Sauron's furious shriek.

"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT BRINING MUD IN?! AND BLOOD?! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS GO GET BLOOD STAINS OFF THE FLOOR?!"

"I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO CLEAN MYSELF UP, OKAY?!" Gothmog bellowed. "I HAVE AN URGENT REPORT!"

Sauron sneered. "What could be so urgent that you couldn't at least clean yourself? I always clean _myself_ before I report!"

"Well, good for you, Mr. Perfect!"

"GET ON WITH THE FREAKING REPORT!" Melkor yelled, before Sauron could snap back.

Gothmog huffed, and tried to assume a dignified expression. "Well, my lord, we have captured another Elf."

Melkor sighed. Another one? Elves were as bothersome as gnats. "Couldn't you have just killed him?"

Ignoring Maedhros's outraged "excuse me?!" Gothmog shrugged. "I guess. But he mentioned that he was looking for that red head over there, so I figured you might want to speak with him."

Maedhros perked up. Someone had come for him?

Melkor groaned again. "Fine, fine, bring him in. He can't be any worse than this one."

Maedhros glared. "I have a name."

"Good for you."

"Is the Elf clean?" Sauron spoke up.

Gothmog rolled his eyes. "Yes. We captured him without much trouble. He was just walking around armed with only a bow and arrow, and, for some reason, he was singing."

"Wow, Elves are weird."

"Hey! I'm right here!" Maedhros snapped.

Sauron looked at him. "You're a prime example of weird."

"I hate you."

"Thank you. I love you too."

"Um… can I bring in the Elf now?" Gothmog asked.

Melkor waved a hand impatiently. "Yes, yes. And watch out for Feanor, I don't need him interrupting us." He turned to Sauron, as Gothmog left the room. "Sauron, go look for Feanor. Make sure he doesn't come in here."

"But Master, I'm not done cleaning!"

"_Now,_ Sauron."

"MAEDHROS, THERE'S ANOTHER ELF HERE!" Feanor zoomed into the room, still clutching Melkor's crown.

Melkor groaned for the third time. Too late.

Gothmog entered not long after, looking harassed. The Elf was with him, staring at Feanor with a strange expression on his face.

Maedhros's eyes popped out of his head. It was Fingon!


	4. Poor Sauron, He Tries

_Wheeee! Chapter 4! This is the story that will be updating the most, as it is the only one I have the inspiration and motivation for to keep updating. I'll update the others... one day. _

_Isn't Sauron a cutie? ^_^_

_I don't own the Silmarillion or its characters! Or anything in Tolkien's world. I own a key chain of the One Ring, though. :D_

* * *

><p>"$#%!"<p>

Maedhros glared at Sauron. "Sauron! Watch your language! There are elflings present!"

Feanor just yawned, completely unimpressed with Sauron's foul mouth. "Eh, Melkor's said worse."

Maedhros slowly looked at Feanor. "…he has?"

Feanor, realizing that this apparently ticked Maedhros off, nodded happily. "Yes! Much worse! And he says it in front of me all the time!"

Maedhros's eyes filled with flames. "I'm going to have a talk with him…"

Feanor smiled. He loved getting Melkor in trouble with Maedhros.

Fingon managed to disguise his snicker as a cough. He had to admit, Feanor as an elfling was hilarious. And he found it even more hilarious that Feanor gave Melkor such a hard time.

Sauron wasn't even listening. He was staring in horror at the throne room. It had been a few months since Fingon had arrived and, ever since discovering that Fingon was as much as a neat freak as Sauron, the two had happily cleaned the throne room until it was spotless. They'd spent the last few months keeping it that way, and soon, the throne room was the cleanest, best room in the entire fortress. But today, it was… a disaster. Sauron had not been in the room all day, having spent the day cleaning other parts of the fortress. After he'd finished cleaning, Feanor had started to pester him about the Silmarils. Again. So, he, Maedhros and the rest had decided to go to the throne room, to see if Feanor could have the Silmarils again. Only to find that Melkor wasn't there, and the throne room was a complete mess. Blood and mud covered everything, and Sauron's precious antiques (he _really_ liked to collect antiques) were broken and scattered everywhere. And just this morning, the room had been pristine.

Sauron cursed again. Maedhros slapped him.

"Ouch!"

"Stop cursing!"

"But –but look at this room!" Sauron shrieked. "When I left, it wasn't was perfect, but now-! _Now_-!" Sauron buried his face in his hands, completely overwhelmed. Why, why did this have to happen?! Was it really so hard for the people here to keep everything clean?! Was it?!

At that moment, Melkor entered the room. "Ah. I see you've discovered the… ehm, mess."

"Maaaaasssssttttteeeerrrr! What haaaaapppppeeennneeed?!" Sauron wailed.

"Orcs," Melkor replied, simply.

"O-Orcs?!"

"Oh," Gothmog said, suddenly appearing next to them, "the Orcs decided to have a party in the throne room, not long after you left."

Sauron hissed at him. "Why didn't you stop them?!"

"Because I didn't want to." Gothmog sounded as if that should be obvious.

"You-!"

"Sauron, stop. Just… stop." Melkor sighed. His headache was coming back. "I'll make them clean up. Honestly, it was just one party."

"They practically destroyed your throne room! I spent hours cleaning it, making it befitting for a Lord of Darkness, such as yourself! I spent even longer polishing your throne! Don't you, don't you appreciate all the hard work I put in to make your throne room look majestic?! I was trying to help you!" Sauron's eyes filled with tears. No one appreciated him!

Fingon patted Sauron on the back and produced a handkerchief form nowhere. Handing it to Sauron, he soothed, "Now, don't be upset. I'm sure Morgoth appreciates what you do for him. I'm sure he'll have the Orcs clean this room up in no time."

Sauron sniffled. "T-thanks." He glared at Gothmog and Melkor with watery eyes. "At least _someone_ cares."

Gothmog and Melkor rolled their eyes. Fingon was way too nice. To everyone. It was sickening.

"So," Feanor interpreted, bored by all the drama. "I'm bored."

"Shame," Melkor replied.

Gothmog added, "I don't care."

Feanor ignored them. "I need entertainment."

"Aren't the Silmarils entertainment enough? Go and polish them, or something," Gothmog growled.

"No. I want to do something else."

"What do you want to do?" Maedhros asked, wondering what Feanor could have come up with. Knowing his father, it would probably be something troublesome.

"Well…" Feanor thought for a moment. Ah! He had it! "I want to go outside. Outside the fortress."

Silence.

"No, you don't." Melkor told him.

Feanor set his jaw stubbornly. "Yes. I do."

"Well, you can't." Melkor crossed his arms and nodded. The discussion was over.

It wasn't over for Feanor. "Why not? I can't be stuck in this stupid fortress forever. It's unhealthy. I'm a growing elfling, and I need to be out in the actual air and sun. Right, Maedhros? Fingon? Sauron?"

"Eh… Morgoth isn't letting any of us out, remember?" Fingon said.

"You can't go out, if you do, you'll fall in the clutches of the evil Elves," Sauron reminded Feanor.

Feanor turned huge, pleading eyes to Maedhros. Maedhros sighed. He couldn't say no to that.

"Certainly you should. Of course, Morgoth isn't letting any of us out. However, I have an idea." Maedhros grinned at Melkor, who looked nervous. He did not want to know what Maedhros had planned.

"Didn't Lord Manwe tell you to raise Feanor? Because this doesn't seem like you're raising him. Just keeping him prisoner. Shame, but I'm going to have to call on him."

Melkor's eyes widened. No. He could _not_ stand yet _another_ visit from his obnoxious baby brother. Manwe would probably happily prattle away about all his plans and inventions, most of which made no sense. It was enough to make one lose their sanity.

"Fine!" Melkor shouted. "We'll go somewhere! Sauron, Gothmog, you two come and make sure those two blasted Elves don't escape with Feanor. Feanor, if you run off, I swear, you will be grounded for eternity, mister!"

Feanor smiled innocently. "I'd _never_ run off, Melkor. I'm very well behaved."

Melkor grunted. "Uh-huh. Sure."

"Also, can I have the Silmarils for another day?"

"No!"

Feanor once again turned his huge, pleading gaze on Maedhros.

Sauron took this as his cue to sneak away, before he got caught up the rapidly escalating argument.

~somewhere, wherever Sauron went off to~

Sauron hummed a little song as he dusted a random statue. Somewhere in the distance, he could faintly hear the shouting of Melkor and Feanor. He shook his head. The Silmarils were more trouble than they were worth, he'd always said.

He was so caught up in the joy of dusting, that he almost didn't notice someone enter the room. Almost.

Without looking up from his work, he snapped, "I swear, if you are covered in mud, Gothmog, Lord of the Balrogs you may be, you will suffer for the rest of your days, until I finally murder you in the most painful way possible, and then I'm going to turn you into a rug, and then-"

"Okay, can I watch?" a voice that was most definitely _not_ Gothmog asked.

Sauron started and looked up. Oh. It was Feanor. "Oh. Never mind. Are you all done arguing?"

"Yep! Melkor gave in and I get to have the Silmarils for a day again!" Feanor held up Melkor's crown, beaming.

Sauron sniggered. Melkor was such a pushover.

"Anyway," Feanor continued, "Melkor said that we're going on an outing tomorrow, so you have to cancel any plans you had."

Sauron sighed. He'd had such lovely plans for tomorrow.

"Also, the throne room is being cleaned right now, and it's almost done."

Sauron gasped. He hadn't expected it to happen that quickly. He'd only been in here cleaning for a few hours! Melkor normally let the Orcs clean up at their own leisure, which generally meant Sauron ended up cleaning it up by himself, as the Orcs never got to it. Granted, Fingon now helped, but throne room had been so ruined, that Sauron had known it would take two people (well, a Maia and an Elf, but whatever) forever to clean it.

"Did Lord Melkor actually order the Orcs to get off their lazy butts?!"

"No. He left after I got the Silmarils. I just bullied the Orcs into cleaning it." Feanor beamed. "You're welcome!" And with that, he flounced out of the room.

Sauron stared after him, toughed. He knew the Orcs were terrified of Feanor (really, who wouldn't be?) and Feanor could boss them into doing whatever he wanted. But he had never exerted his master over the Orcs for anyone but himself. Not even for Maedhros.

Sauron sniffed and wiped a tear away. His little Feanor was growing up.

* * *

><p><em>LE GASP! Feanor did something nice for someone?! Is this the END of the world?! <em>

_Also, where do you think they should go for their outing? Pick any place that is in the Silmarillion! Tell me in a review, and whichever place gets the most votes, that is where they'll go!_


	5. WHAT IF Part 1 Bonus Chapter: Fingolfin

_Bonus chapter. Part 1 of the WHAT IF bonus chapters that will randomly appear in this fic. This time: WHAT IF Maedhros and Fingon had done the whole rescue from a cliff thing (way to go for me to make such an emotional and wonderful part of the book sound boring. XD) and Fingolfin DOES challenge Morgoth, like he does in the book?_

_ELFLING!FEANOR MEETS FINGOLFIN!_

_I somehow feel this was slightly more fluffy and angsty then my usual comedy. O_O Weird... (Also, I made Melkor more of a jerk in this chapter and Feanor is somehow nicer than usual. Double O_O) _

_Anyway, please enjoy! Look forward to more WHAT IF bonus chapters. They'll appear when you least expect it! _

_I don't own Feanor or the Silmarillion. *sobs angstily*_

* * *

><p>~in Melkor's throne room~<p>

"My lord," Sauron said patiently, trying to get Melkor off his throne. "Fingolfin has been shouting at you to fight him for almost an hour. He's calling you a coward; shouldn't you fight him and prove him wrong?"

"No," Melkor growled. "I'm not in the mood. Let him shout and whine away; it isn't doing me any harm."

"But… it's disturbing everyone else. Including Feanor."

Sauron and Melkor both turned to stare at Feanor. The elfling actually looked pretty nervous, as Fingolfin's shouts rang through the fortress. He quickly tried to look indifferent, when he saw Sauron and Melkor watching him. He didn't do so well.

"Huh. So he _can_ get scared," Melkor mused.

"Well, Fingolfin is pretty scary," Sauron shivered.

"MORGOTH, COME OUT AND FIGHT, YOU COWARD!" Fingolfin shrieked. He proceeded to yell several more various phrases of "Coward!" and "Get out here!"

Melkor was starting to get a bit spooked. This elf was freaking persistent. Sure, Melkor could squash him like the bug he was, but he had to admit, if only to himself, he'd probably have a hard time of it. He did _not_ want to get injured, and he had a feeling Fingolfin would manage that quite well. But he couldn't ignore the elf much longer. Lest he lose face in front of his servants and Feanor. But… what could he do?

Gothmog, who had been, as usually, silently observing, raised his hand. "I know who we can throw out. Fingolfin wouldn't hurt him, and would probably cease immediately, to deal with him."

"Him" being Feanor.

~outside, with Fingolfin~

Where was that coward?! Fingolfin had been yelling at him for nearly an hour! Oooh, when that Morgoth finally bothered to show up, Fingolfin was going-!

Whatever he was going to do, we will never know, as at that moment, Feanor was unceremoniously tossed out the gates of Angband.

Fingolfin's eyes widened. And elfling?!

Feanor stood up, rubbing his back, and glared at Angband. "Hey! How is this raising me?! You tossed me to the enemy! Melkor, are you listening!"

"Er… are you… alright?" Fingolfin asked. Seriously, why did Morgoth have an elfling?!

Feanor jumped. "MEEEEELLLLKOOOORRRR, SAAAAUUURRRROOON, LET ME BACK IN! YOU TOLD ME TO STAY AWAY FROM EVIL ELVES AND I'M RIGHT IN FRONT OF ONE! COME ONE, THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" Realizing no one was coming to get him, Feanor started to hyperventilate. Okay, so maybe he could be a tiny bit demanding, okay, so maybe he was too obsessed with the Silmarils, okay, so maybe he should have bugged Melkor less, but did he really deserve this?! Sauron had told him nothing but horrible things about evil Elves! He didn't want to die!

"Calm down! I won't hurt you," Fingolfin said, moving carefully toward the panicked elfling.

Feanor squeaked (yes, even he squeaks) and tried to run away. Fingolfin, having longer legs, caught up to him pretty easily.

"I won't harm you! I'm going to help you!"

"I'M GOING TO DIEEEEEEEEE!"

~later, after a decidedly less bloody battle then was anticipated~

"And so, Morgoth decided to throw this elfling at me," Fingolfin explained to Fingon. "Apparently, he's been 'raising' him. Well, I say 'raising' but considering he was willing to sacrifice an elfling so he didn't have to face me, I think I'm being rather generous with my words."

Fingon looked at Feanor, who promptly hid behind Fingolfin. Fingolfin had actually managed to get Feanor to trust him, and now the elfling was sticking to him like a leech. He refused to leave Fingolfin's side, and apparently had decided that all elves, except for himself and Fingolfin, were evil. Fingolfin really didn't know what to make of that.

"So… what are you going to do with him?" Fingon asked.

"Let him stay with me, I suppose. He absolutely refuses to go to anyone else. From what I've gathered, Morgoth fed him lies about 'evil elves' and he believes we are all out to kill him," Fingolfin sighed.

"Except for you. He seems to trust you," Fingon pointed out.

"Yes, well…" Fingolfin really couldn't say why this elfling trusted him. He'd been so terrified of him, but after Fingolfin had caught him and had spoken soothingly to him, the elfling had finally calmed down. Not long after, he'd started to cling to Fingolfin.

Feanor eyed Fingon suspiciously. Fingolfin had told him no one would hurt him and that elves weren't, Feanor knew he shouldn't trust anyone right away. He had to get to know them and make sure, before he tried trusting. He only trusted Fingolfin right now. He was a lot nicer than Melkor and actually treated Feanor like an intelligent being. Melkor and Sauron had just treated him like an ornament.

"Okay, little one," Fingolfin suddenly said, startling Feanor out of his thoughts, "do you want to stay with me?"

Feanor nodded frantically. "Please! I like you."

"Alright, then. Let's just clear things up here, and-"

"Doesn't he seem a bit familiar?" Fingon inturrputed.

He tried to peer closer to Feanor. Feanor stuck out his tongue and clung to Fingolfin's sleeve. Fingolfin glared at Fingon. "Stop. You're making him nervous."

"Oh, he looks so scared," Fingon said sarcastically. Great. The brat was manipulating Fingolfin, wasn't he?

~some random time later, not to long after the conversation~

The elfling followed Fingolfin everywhere. Like a puppy. It was kind of cute, and sort of reminded Fingolfin how he had used to follow Feanor around. He sighed. Even though Feanor had not been the best brother around (half-brother, a tiny voice that sounded A LOT like Feanor whispered) and had abandoned Fingolfin and the rest to cross the ice, he still missed him.

Feanor, meanwhile, just completely adored Fingolfin. Sure, he hadn't known him very long, but already he was impressed with him. He was like the big brother Feanor had never had.

"So," Fingon drawled, beckoning Fingolfin over to him. He watched in amusement as the elfling scrambled after Fingolfin, obviously determined to make sure the elf didn't get out of his sight. Not much time had gone by, and the elfling pretty much hero worshipped the High King.

"What?" Fingolfin asked, grunting slightly when Feanor, noticing too late that Fingolfin had stopped walking, ran into him.

"Do you even know his name?"

"…"

"Well?"

"…right."

"It's Feanor!" Feanor supplied helpfully.

Fingolfin's and Fingon's jaws dropped.

"…come again?" Fingolfin said.

Feanor eyed him nervously. "Um… Feanor." What was wrong? Was there something wrong with his name?

Fingolfin stared in shock. No way. His older brother (half-brother! The Feanor mini voice yelled) was… an elfling?!

He must have looked horrified or something like that, because Feanor's face fell. "You… don't like me, now?" he asked sadly.

Oh. My. Eru. He's giving me the puppy dog eyes! Fingolfin thought. Just like I always did to him! My older-younger brother (for once, the mini voice remained silent) actually doesn't want me to hate him! He-he doesn't remember a thing about his previous life, does he?!

Well. There was no way he could reject Feanor. As weird as it was to have Feanor, _Feanor_ who had hated Fingolfin, look up to him now and seek his approval, Fingolfin could not turn cold toward him. He was going to raise his older-younger brother!

"No, of course I like you! You're name just… reminded me of someone I once knew."

"Oh… So… I can still stay with you?" Feanor asked hopefully.  
>"Of course you can!"<p>

Feanor beamed happily and hugged- he actually hugged him, Fingolfin was going to die happy!- Fingolfin.

Fingon just had to stare. This was too weird. Sure, Fingolfin was pretty happy about this, but… wow. Fingon didn't know what he would have expected if he had known Feanor would be reborn, but it wasn't this.

~in Valinor~

"Awww, they're so cute!" Manwe sniffled, wiping his eyes.

"Aren't they?" Varda sobbed. Oh, this was too precious, two brothers finally able to love each other, after so much hate! Oh, it was so wonderful, her husband had actually done something right!

Namo stared at them. "What happened to making Melkor and Sauron raise him?"

"Oh, feh! This is so much better!" Manwe said.

Namo sighed. He gave up. He'd never understand Manwe.

~with Melkor~

"Waaaaaaahhhh! I miss him already!" Sauron sobbed. "Master, why do they grow up so fast?! Feeeeaaaannnnoooorrrr, daddy misses you!"

Melkor rolled his eyes.

* * *

><p><em>Anyway! I may be coming out with a new one shot soon (and it will be... a Silmarillion one shot! LE GASP! WHAT A SURPRISE! ...not. I know, I'm so obsessed with the Silmarillion right now.)<em>

_Also, so far in the voting, Gondolin has 3 votes and Nargothrond has 3 votes. O_O They're tied?! We gotta break the tie before the next chapter! Don't leave me to make the decision by myself! _


	6. O, Where Shall We Go?

_The beginning of the going on an outing arc! Just a reminder that this is not connected to the bonus chapter about Fingolfin; all the bonus chapters will stand on their own and have nothing to do with the main story here. _

_Anyway... most people wanted either Gondolin or Nargothrond. Nargothrond had actually been one ahead of Gondolin, but my sister (who isn't on this site) wanted to vote, and voted for Gondolin, once again making another tie. Well, OneSizeFitsAll suggested I do both, so here we go! First up: Nargothrond and Finrod!_

_Also, random, obscure character for today: Thuringwethil! Who remembers her?! (I know I didn't, until I reread the Silmaillion... she's mentioned, like, once. Poor girl) _

_Remember, this is OOC and should be._

_You know, this is really random, but I noticed something in the book._

_Finwe was High King of the Noldor. He died._

_Feanor was High King. He died._

_Maedhros (for a time) was High King. He eventually died._

_Fingolfin was High King. He died._

_Fingon was High King. He died._

_Turgon was High King. He died. _

_Gil-galad was High King. He died._

_So... everyone who was High King of the Noldor (I'm not counting Maglor, since technically Maedhros was still alive, even if they did think he had been killed) eventually... died. O_O Is there a pattern here, or is this just me?_

_Moral of the story: NEVER BE THE OF HIGH KING OF THE NOLDOR! You'll probably die. _

_I don't own the Silmarillion or its characters. If I did, everyone, except for the ones I hated, would still be alive._

* * *

><p>In the serene, probably very pretty place known as Valinor, life was good. Everyone was at peace, no one had anything to worry about. The Valar were especially content, as they didn't have to deal with Melkor. After all, he was off in Middle-earth, doing his own thing, and he was now the Elves' problem, not theirs.<p>

However, there was one thing that some of them felt might possibly be a problem.

"…They're going on an outing," Namo said.

"So they are," Manwe agreed mildly.

"…that's not good."

"It isn't?" Manwe asked vaguely, preoccupied with studying the sleeve of his robe. Was it just him, or was it a bit smudged? Because if it was, he was going to have to get a new robe. After all, the king of the Valar couldn't have smudged robes. It wouldn't do.

"Don't you think that might be the perfect opportunity for Melkor to abandon Feanor?" Namo demanded.

"Meh, he wouldn't. I already threatened him. Besides, Maedhros and Fingon are there. Also, Sauron would probably kill Melkor; he's quite attached to Feanor," Manwe explained.

"Well, maybe those 3 will escape. Then, your 'plan' –and when I say 'plan', I really mean 'completely idiotic idea'- will be ruined," Namo snapped.

"HAHAHAHA you're funny!" Manwe laughed.

Namo's eye twitched. "Manwe… you do realize where they are going right?"

"Of course."

"Well, I don't think it's such a good idea to let Melkor find that place!"

"What do you care, Mr. You-Are-All-Doomed-Take-That-Stubborn-Noldor!" Manwe huffed.

Namo didn't bother to answer.

~with Melkor~

The fortress of Angband was decidedly less tranquil than Valinor. The Orcs were running about in confusion, occasional trying to kill each other when the confusion got to be too much. The Balrogs and the other Maiar were arguing about something, what that something was, Melkor wasn't quite sure. He really couldn't be bothered to care. He was trying to plan an outing.

And it was way harder than it sounded.

"OhmyvalarIcan'tbeliveyou!" Maedhros cried. "This is the day of the outing and you haven't picked a place?! Morgoth, procrastinating will get you nowhere in the future! I _told_ you we should have let Gothmog plan the trip! He's so much more organized!"

Gothmog smile (if Balrogs can smile). It was nice to have one's skills recognized.

"Maaaaaassssstttttteeeeerrrr, I can't find my duster anywhere!" Sauron wailed. "You know I can't go anywhere without my duster!"

"Morgoth, someone took the gold ribbons for my hair, I can't go out in public without those, I have a reputation to uphold!" Fingon yelled. "Also, has someone seen my harp?!"

"Meeeelllllkkkkooorrrr, Thuringwethil is bullying me!" Feanor shrieked, running into the room, pursued by said bully.

"I am not!" Thuringwethil cried indignantly, while poking Feanor viscously on the back. "He's making fun of my wings, I had to teach him a lesson!"

"Stop poking me, it hurts!" Feanor wailed.

"Apologize!"

"My feather duster!"

"My hair ribbons! And my harp!"

"Morgoth, where are we going, and what are we bringing, ohmyEru, couldn't you plan this better?!"

"Master, if I may make a suggestion for a place…?"

"STOP POKING ME!"

Melkor had had enough. "SHUT THE HECK UP, ALL OF YOU, BEFORE I FEED YOU TO THE WOLVES!"

Silence.

Melkor glared at them, seething. "Now, listen up! Maedhros, I do have a place in mind, so stop pestering me! Fingon, an Orc probably stole your ribbons; they like shiny things. Your harp is in the storage area, go and get it. Sauron, your feather duster is where you left it; on my throne, that you never finished dusting. Feanor, apologize to Thuringwethil. Thuringwethil, stop poking Feanor."

Maedhors just glared at Melkor. Fingon rushed off to find his harp and force the Orcs to give back his ribbons. Sauron hurried to the throne, muttering under his breath that he would have finished dusting it, but _some_ people just had to _insist_ on going on outings, right at this instant. Feanor and Thuringwethil pouted, but stopped bothering each other.

Melkor sighed in relief. Now, maybe he could get things done.

His relief was short lived, as Maedhors refused to stop talking. "So, where are we going, then?"

"The Void is a lovely place," Melkor answered. He was quite proud of his decision.

So he wasn't really expecting most of the reactions he got.

"What's in the Void?" Feanor asked.

"Nothing."

"…Meh."

"THE VOID?! YOU CAN'T TAKE AN ELFLING TO THE VOID!" Maedhros shrieked.

"T-that's an… um… interesting choice," Sauron said meekly, afraid to offend Melkor.

"That's a really stupid idea," Gothmog said bluntly.

"I don't want to go to the Void," Fingon said piteously, having returned in time to hear Melkor's decision.

Melkor threw up his hands. "Well, someone else suggest a place!"

"Ooooooh, I want to go to Gondolin!" Sauron squeed, jumping up and down like a hyperactive child.

"I'd rather go to Nargothrond," Maedhros said.

Melkor stared at them. "…you do realize I'm not exactly welcome in any of those places, right? That they'd probably try to kill me and all of us on sight, right? Also, I don't know where Gondolin is, it's hidden. You all know that, right?"

Everyone nodded.

Melkor sighed. "Fine, we'll go to both. Let's go to Nargothrond first. At least I know where that is. Thuringwethil, you're in charge while I'm gone."

Thuringwethil squeed, while Sauron just looked indignant. "WHAT, WHY HER?!"

"Because you're coming with us, and so is Gothmog."

~sometime later~

"Wow, I forgot what fresh air is like," Fingon said.

Maedhros shrugged. "That's what happens when you're trapped in a fortress."

Feanor ran about hyperactively, screaming "I'M FREE, FREEEEEEEE I TELL YOU! NOW, NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM WORLD CONQUEST! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Maedhros face palmed. Oh dear Eru, his father was being raised to be a psychopath.

Sauron sniffled. That was his little Feanor. He was so proud!

~in Nargothrond~

Finrod shivered. He felt a sudden chill. As if… something ominous were approaching his home…

~a random stop at Doriath~

Thingol looked at his wife strangely. Melian's eyes had suddenly widened, and now she was sniggering uncontrollably, trying to catch her breath.

Melian, being a Maia and all, had had a vision. A vision of Feanor. And, oh, she could not _wait _to see how unleashing the mini Feanor on Middle-earth would turn out. It would be most amusing.

Thingol, not knowing of the vision, just shook his head. Sometimes, he just could not understand Melian. He really couldn't.

* * *

><p><em>A special thanks to Lily Lindsey-Aubrey for voting for the Void and thus giving me the idea to have Melkor first vote for there. Because we all know he would. <em>


	7. Dinner Party at Nargothrond

_Sup, all? Enjoy another chapter of our favourite elfling, Feanor! I notice that my version of Feanor is very easily distracted. He's such a ditz. xD And for the barely written about characters for today, we have Gwindor and Finduilas! I really love those two, I wish there were more on them. _

_Okay, and it is now 1:25 a.m here, so, OneSizeFitsAll, I am apparently never going to stop getting inspired late at night, so you got your wish that I'll keep writing late at night! (From now on, I shall blame my lack of sleep on you. XD) _

_Random Silmarillion thought for this chapter: Doriath got freaking attacked twice, and was permanently destroyed the second time. What. The. Heck. Happened. To. Nellas?! She was living in the woods! Is she dead?! Alive?! Did she flee?! I hope she fled! NELLAS YOU MUST STILL BE ALIVE, YOU WERE SO AWESOME! _

_Okay, rant over. DISCLAIMER TIME! GO GWINDOR!_

_Gwindor: ...Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own the Silmarillion or it's characters._

_Finduilas: If she did, Gwindor and I would still be alive! And living happily in Nargothrond!_

_YES, YES THEY WOULD!_

* * *

><p><strong>Dinner Party at Nargothrond<strong>

**Or In Which Gwindor Wonders About His Life and Feanor Does Not Want to Go to Bed**

This was… Finrod just couldn't-

Speechless. Finrod was speechless. And, really, who could blame him? Morgoth, the freaking Dark Lord Morgoth, was AT NARGOTHROND! By all rights, Finrod should be _panicking, _and it was quite impressive that he wasn't.

But why, why in Eru's name, was Morgoth here?! And he had Sauron with him?! And the Lord of the Balrogs?! And… MAEDHROS?! FINGON?! And… and… was that an elfling?!

Finrod was a calm, collected Elf. He prided himself on being able to remain in control even under the most harrowing of moments. He always had a rational response for everything, no matter how crazy it was. This was no exception.

"MAEDHROS, WHAT IS GOING ON, WHY ARE YOU AND FINGON WITH MORGOTH, WHY IS MORGOTH EVEN HERE, WHY HASN'T HE ATTACKED, AND WHY IS THERE AN ELFLING, IS THERE SOMETHING GOING ON THAT YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME ABOUT, AND SHOULD I BE WORRIED, BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE WORRIED!"

Okay, so maybe this time _was_ an exception. But Finrod was pretty justified in freaking out. Really.

"Why are you so loud?" the elfling complained. "Meeellllkooorrr, you didn't say that there would be screaming Elves!"

"How was I supposed to know he'd lose his temper?!" Melkor snapped.

"…okay… so… I'm going to explain everything now…" Maedhros said, fearing that if he didn't explain soon, everything would just fall apart.

And so, he explained. When he finished, Finrod stared at him, his eyes wide.

"So… this is Feanor? Feanor, who died?! Feanor, who created the Silmarils?!" Finrod gaped.

"How many other Feanors do you know?" Gothmog muttered. He rolled his eyes. Elves were so dumb.

Finrod ignored him. "And… the Valar want Morgoth and Sauron to raise him."

"Pretty much," Maedhros said.

"So… I guess they aren't here to attack?"

"No, it's just a vacation," Maedhros assured him. "I would NEVER allow Morgoth to attack a city in front of Feanor. Imagine how _that_ would affect the rest of his childhood."

Finrod stared at him. It seemed like Maedhros somehow was managing to actually control Morgoth. Wow.

Melkor pouted. He had thought that attacking this city would be a good life lesson for Feanor. Why did everyone ('everyone' being Maedhros) criticize his parenting skills?!

Feanor thought that watching a city get attacked sounded like great fun. He sighed. Too bad Maedhros wouldn't let that happen.

Fingon didn't really care how Melkor wanted to raise Feanor, at that point. He just wanted to get inside the city and be among civilized Elves again.

Gothmog wanted to burn everything down.

Sauron just wondered if the Elves of Nargothrond would appreciate his cleaning skills.

~in Nargothrond, with Gwindor~

"…wat." Gwindor shook his head violently. Perhaps he had heard wrong. Funny, it almost sounded like Finduilas had just told him that Morgoth and company (including a reborn Feanor?!) were going to have their vacation here, and that they were all going to a dinner party.

"…are you joking?"

Finduilas shook her head. "No. I wish I were joking."

Gwindor stared at her. "So… if I am to believe everything about this reborn Feanor being raised by Morgoth, Morgoth means us no harm, and we have to… have dinner with him?"

"…yes."

Gwindor sighed. Why was his life so weird? Well, at least Finduilas would be there to help him keep his sanity…

~at the dinner party~

"This is… somewhat awkward," Orodreth told his brother.

"Yes," Finrod agreed, watching Feanor happily chatter away to Finduilas, who was the only one there who actually acted like she was interested in the elfling's ramblings.

Maedhros had for some reason gotten into an argument with Gwindor, something to do with Gwindor saying that they (they being Maedhros and Fingon) shouldn't be acting all friendly with Morgoth, and Madhros snapping that they weren't, they were just making sure Feanor was raised properly.

Gothmog randomly set food on fire, enjoying the mild panic that it caused among the Elves nearest to him.

Sauron and Fingon cheerfully discussed the perfect cleanliness of Nargothrond, both heavily hinting that Angband could just as clean, if a certain Dark Lord would actually make the Orcs clean up after themselves.

Melkor glared. And he didn't just glare any glare, oh no. He had his EVIL glare on full blast, aimed at anyone who was dumb enough to even so much as glance at him.

Sadly, the only one who bothered to look at him was Finrod, and Finrod was less than impressed. It was pretty obvious Finrod did not take Melkor seriously anymore, ever since they told him the story about Feanor.

And that bothered Melkor so much. He was evil! He was the Dark Lord! He was supposed to be feared and hated, not treated like some mildly annoying family member that had to be treated politely at a family dinner. He _had_ to do something. Something EVIL. And he had to do it now! His reputation was at stake!

But what should he do? Hmm…. Oh! He could have Gothmog start burning everything (and everyone) to a crisp, while he (Melkor) attacked Finrod and killed the upstart Elf! Yes, that would make him properly feared again!

Melkor took a deep breath, prepared to order Gothmog to start setting things (and Elves) on fire. Feanor interrupted.

"Maedhros, I have a question!"

Maedhros stopped arguing with Gwindor. "What is it, Feanor?"

"Didn't he," Feanor pointed at Finrod, "say the Elf who created the Silmarils was named Feanor?"

"…yes."

"And everyone keeps saying I'm the reborn Feanor." Feanor blinked at Maedhros. "So… does that mean I made the Silmarils? Because if I did, shouldn't I have them, and not Melkor?"

Maedhros stared. He… hadn't expected this. How should he answer?! He didn't want his father to be haunted by memories of his past life, he wanted Feanor to grow up without any ties to the past!

Finrod solved that problem. "Oh, look at the time, it's so very late! We really should wrap this up, it has been _lovely_ seeing all of you, but, you know, young Feanor shouldn't really be up this late, now should he?"

Like any child, Feanor hated being treated like one. And that included going to bed early. He immediately forgot about his question. "It's too early to go to sleep!"

"No, you really should be in bed," Finrod said.

"NO! Maedhros, can't I stay up longer?!" Feanor begged.

"It's past midnight! Finrod is right!" Sauron suddenly gasped. "Feanor, you are going to bed right now, young man!"

"Nooooooo, how come I have to go to bed, and everyone else stays up?!" Feanor wailed. He glared at them all, prepared to throw the tantrum of a life time. If everyone got to stay up, then so did he. They didn't get to do anything without him.

Finduilas saved the day (er… night). "Feanor, dear, if you go to bed now, you can have the Silmarils for a week. Can't he, Morgoth?" Feanor had told her all about his schemes to get his hands on the Silmarils, so she knew exactly how to bribe him.

Sure enough, Feanor turned wide, puppy dog eyes to Melkor. "Really?!"

"What?! I never said-!" Melkor protested.

"I'll go to bed if you say yes!"

Melkor groaned. "Fine!"

Feanor squeed and happily allowed Finduilas to lead him away.

There was a long silence until Gwindor broke it.

"It doesn't take much to make him happy, does it?"

* * *

><p><em>No, Gwindor, no it does not. Anyway, don't worry, they'll still be in Nargothrond in the next chapter! Then we shall move on to Gondolin, since a lot of people also wanted that place! Anyway, I got a question for all of ya: If you could have one character from the Silmarillion that died survive, who would you choose? (*ahem* totallynotsuggestingthateveryoneshouldchoosefeanor)<em>


	8. Beware Valentine's Day

_Today is a special Valentine's Day chapter. This is not my Valentine special, though. That story will be posted on Valentine's Day. This is part of the timeline of my story, unlike the bonus chapter about Fingolfin. Any way, since this story is going to go on for who knows how long, I've decided to answer reviews in the author's note, instead of PM. So, here we go:_

**_KiyaJinnSkywalkerKenobi:_**_ Thanks! Ahhh, Ecthelion, he's a wonderful character. Yaay, I'm happy you'd revive Feanor second! ^_^ _

**_llcyyxx: _**_Caranthir had so__ many issues, just like every other Feanorian. XD Actually, I ship that too, although I'm too scared to put it in any of my stories... _

_**OneSizeFitsAll: **Lol thanks. Aww, poor little Turin. He's not THAT bad. ...okay, maybe he is. I think the one who liked Neniel was Brandir. I didn't care much for him. _

**_ParanoidSylph: _**_T__rue. Glad you like__d it!_

**_SaphiralovesTolkien: _**_Haha so would I! Glorfindel is so awesome, __but I guess he was technically reborn, wasn't he? Yay, Gil-galad would be one of my choices! Yaaaaay, another one for Feanor! _

**_Lily Lindsey-Aubrey: _**_Naw, __Feanor is pretty easy to please. Just give him some shiny things, and he's good. XD I swear, it would kill Melkor to give the Silmarils up, the drama queen. Oh, yes, Melkor is an amazing parent! Feanor is getting the best childhood ever!_

**_Guest: _**_I love Beleg, I was so __sad when he died! You picked great characters to revive! ;)_

**_Guest:_**_ ... ... ...I never thought of that. You __know what, that's a good point. FINWE, come back to life, Feanor needs you, they all need you!_

_Thanks for reviewing everyone! Okay, so I don't own the Silmarillion or any of its characters. I don't even own Valentine's Day, but, then again, I don't really want to. Like it is for Melkor, it's too pink and fluffy for me._

* * *

><p><strong>Beware Valentine's Day<br>**

**Or In Which Sauron Likes Valenine's Day Way Too Much and Feanor Proves Once Again That He Likes Fire**

"…_just_ because you were his favourite son, when he was an adult, does _not_ mean you will be his favourite now! He's reborn! He doesn't remember anything!"

"Please, do you believe everything Maedhros says?"

"…you saw Feanor. It's obvious he doesn't remember. I'm just saying, he might like me best, instead!"

"HA! I'll still be his favourite!"

"Are you two _still_ arguing about that? Give it a rest!"

"Be quiet, Maedhros!"

"…_excuse me_?"

Finduilas sighed. Celegorm and Curufin were so loud. Maedhros wasn't much quieter.

Feanor tugged on the sleeve of her dress. "Why is everyone so loud?"

"I wish I knew."

Feanor shrugged. Ah, well, wasn't his problem. He clutched the Silmarils in his hands and smiled. He had the Silmarils for a whole week. Nothing could ruin that.

Celegorm and Curufin (both of whom Feanor had met the day before) burst into the room, with Maedhros on their heels. Celegorm and Curufin looked determined. Maedhros looked stressed.

"Can we help you?" Finduilas asked icily. She didn't care much for Celegorm and Curufin, and while she had no problem with Maedhros, she did not want to get in the middle of what looked like was about to be a family argument.

"_You_ can't," Curufin sniffed rudely.

"Curufin…" Maedhros warned.

Curufin rolled his eyes. He'd only seen Maedhros for a couple of days, and already Maedhros had slipped back into the older brother role.

Feanor glared at them. He hated it when people were loud. And they had interrupted Finduilas's and his conversation. "Now what?"

"Feanor! Mind your manners!" Maedhros snapped. "And if you don't have anything nice to say, you can keep quiet!" he added to Curufin, who had been about to snap at Finduilas again.

Feanor and Curufin huffed. "Yes, Maedhros…"

Finduilas stared. Wow. Feanor and Curufin really were alike.

Celegorm decided to get to the point. "Who do you like best?" he asked Feanor.

Feanor blinked. "Out of everyone I know, including you two?"

"Yes."

"Hmm…" Feanor scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Well… I like Maedhros best of all."

Curufin grumbled under his breath, while Maedhros grinned smugly. Celegorm just shrugged. Ah well, at least Curufin was no longer the favourite.

"I like Melkor second best!" Feanor added.

Everyone gaped. Feanor gave them strange looks. "What?"

Maedhros just shook his head, remembering how Feanor had used to curse Melkor's name all the time. How being reborn changed someone.

~later, with Sauron and Fingon~

"No, no, no!" Sauron shouted. "Hang up the decorations like this, not like that! Hey, those streamers are too close to the entrance! Be careful, you almost knocked down that statue! _Yes_, Gwindor, the decorations have to be pink and red! It's Valentine's Day, what did you expect?! You two! Over there! Don't be so loud! Do you want Finrod or Master Melkor to hear you?! This is supposed to be a surprise! Gwindor, _don't you dare drop that heart shaped ice sculpture! _No, it goes in the middle of the table, not the edge! You're an Elf, don't you know anything about perfection! …you're more of a warrior than a table decorator, you say? NO, GWINDOR, BE CARE-!"

Sauron groaned in horror as Gwindor ran into another Elf, and dropped the ice sculpture. It shattered into a million pieces.

Sauron twitched. Fingon, who had been cheerfully cleaning the room for the night's dinner, stopped and stared.

Gwindor blinked. "Oops."

Sauron exploded. "'OOPS'?! IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY?! LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!"

Gwindor sighed. "Oh, calm down. It isn't the end of the world. Look, we have a spare sculpture. Fingon thought this might happen, so he ordered another one to be made. I'll get it, so stop yelling."

"Noooo, you aren't going to get that! You'll drop it too!" Sauron pointed at a random Elf. "You get it!"

The Elf ran off to do as he was told. Sauron turned to Fingon. "Thank the Valar you are here."

Fingon smiled modestly. "I have experience with party disasters."

Gwindor rolled his eyes. Why Sauron and Fingon wanted to throw a Valentine's Day party, he would never know. Well, if Finduilas ended up liking it, then he supposed it would be worth the trouble.

~at the party~

"HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!" Sauron yelled, flinging pink, sparkly confetti on Melkor and Finrod, as the two entered the dining hall.

Melkor just stood there, looking rather annoyed. Finrod snickered at Melkor's expression, and took his seat. This was the weirdest Valentine's Day he'd ever had, but he had a feeling it would be very entertaining.

Everyone else was already seated. Gwindor looked grumpy. Fingon was flicking stray confetti at Maedhros, who was doing his best to ignore that. Finduilas seemed to be enjoying herself immensely, as she flung confetti on everyone she could. Feanor carefully cleared a part of the table of confetti and gingerly set the Silmarils down. He then joined Finduilas in the confetti throwing. Curufin looked like he was trying to tune everyone and everything out. Celegorm wasn't really paying attention to anyone, as he was secretly (or so he thought) feeding bits of food to Huan. Huan, of course, was pretty happy about that, so he had no complaints about the party.

Melkor finally sat down, realizing it would be better to get the party over with. He tried to practice his EVIL glare, but it was rather hard to do, when one was covered in pink confetti.

"May I ask what this is about?" he asked stiffly.

Sauron beamed. "A Valentine's Day party!"

"Yes," Melkor replied, irritably. "I gathered that, thank you. Exactly why did you and Fingon throw one?"

"Well, we wanted to break the ice between everyone," Fingon answered. "And since Valentine's Day is almost here, it seemed a convenient excuse."

"It was a good idea," Finrod said.

Melkor huffed. "Oh? Who else thinks this was a good idea?"

"It's fun!" Feanor said. "There's confetti everywhere AND it's sparkly! And the food is good!"

Melkor rolled his eyes. Of course Feanor would like that.

"It's annoying," Curufin muttered.

"I never thought I'd say this, but there is an Elf with sense," Melkor sighed. "Well? Anyone else?"

"I don't really care," Celegorm said.

Maedhros sighed. "Well, if it helps for everyone to get along…"

"I don't like it," Gwindor grumbled.

Finduilas smiled sweetly. "Come now, it isn't that bad." She flicked some confetti out of Gwindor's hair and gave him her best puppy dog eyes. "Just endure it for tonight? For me?"

Gwindor visibly softened. "Well… I guess it isn't _too_ bad."

Melkor suppressed the urge to gag. Danged sweetness, it was sickening.

Sauron just beamed at them. "That's the spirit! Now, I think we should all do Valentine's Day cards!"

"NO!" Melkor, Curufin, Gothmog, and Celegorm yelled.

"Valentine cards are past my limit," Celegorm explained.

Sauron pouted.

"Well, I have one for you, Finduilas…" Gwindor said as quietly as he could.

Finduilas heard and smiled happily at him.

Melkor gagged. Finrod smacked him.

"Ow!"

"Don't ruin the moment!"

"Can I stay up past midnight?" Feanor asked randomly.

"No," Maedhros said, trying to brush of the confetti Fingon kept throwing on him.

Feanor sighed.

Sauron looked a bit crushed. "Doesn't anyone like my party? Besides Finduilas?"

Finrod patted the Maia on the arm. "It's an excellent party, Sauron."

Sauron perked up a bit.

"But it was not needed," Curufin added.

Sauron's face fell.

Maedhros glared. "Be nice. At least he tried."

"Awww, Gwindor, you are so sweet!" Finduilas gushed, having just read her card. Gwindor blushed.

Melkor gagged again.

Celegorm snuck some turkey to Huan. Huan wagged his tail. Who cared what everyone else thought about this party, he was getting the best out of this.

Feanor was starting to get bored, so he grabbed a candle and tried to melt the ice sculpture. He dropped it and set the table cloth on fire.

Everyone jumped to their feet. Fingon grabbed some water and used it to put the fire out.

They all turned to stare at Feanor.

Feanor fidgeted. "Um… my bad."

"Okay, time for bed," Maedhros told him.

"Does that mean the party is over?" Feanor whined.

"Yes."

Feanor grumbled. "It was just a tiny fire…"

"You know," Melkor said, "keep this up, and I might be proud of you yet."

Feanor suddenly looked a lot happier. Melkor finally approved of something he did! He skipped over to Melkor, and, to everyone's shock, hugged him. He then happily went off to his room, leaving a stunned Dark Lord behind.

Melkor wasn't sure what had just happened. But what he did know was that he felt… odd. Like… there was a strange warmth in his chest. As if… he were happy Feanor had hugged him.

Melkor burst out laughing, startling everyone. Sauron was so freaked out that he lost his balance and crashed to the floor. Fingon went to assist him. Gwindor took Finduilas's hand and led her out of the room, away for the madman. Maedhros just shook his head.

Melkor ignored them all, still laughing. Like he would be happy Feanor had hugged him! To think Melkor had almost fooled himself into thinking so!

He abruptly stopped laughing. Wait… he really had been happy, if only for a brief moment!

Oh dear Eru, Melkor was losing it.

* * *

><p><em>O_O Can it be, dear readers?! Is Melkor... starting to care for Feanor?! Is he feeling parently emotions?! Who knows! Oh, and I hope no one minded the bit of Gwindor x Finduilas fluff I put in there. I couldn't resist, they are so freaking cute together. Okay, Silmarillion question for everyone: If you had to be stuck with Eol or Maeglin for all eternity, who would you choose? *evil grin* <em>


	9. WHAT IF Bonus 2: Fixer Upper!

_Coming at you from late at night (yet again) is another WHAT IF bonus chapter! This time: WHAT IF Melkor and Maedhros met... the Frozen characters! As with the Fingolfin chapter, this is not part of the main story. It stands alone. _

_A warning: Olaf bashing, and probably bashing Frozen as a whole. I honestly don't like the movie, and while I tried to not be **too** harsh with it, I probably still managed to bash it. I also really hate the fixer upper song, so... yeah. So, for those who also don't like Frozen, please enjoy! For those who do like Frozen, I did not write this to offend anyone, and I have no problem with people liking Frozen. If anyone does not like Frozen bashing, then please feel free to skip this chapter. I don't mind. ;) Another thing, I know the trolls didn't tell Anna that she needed love or whatever it was they said until **after** they're whole song thing, but for the purpose of this chapter, they told her before breaking out into a song._

_And if any hardcore Frozen lovers do read this and get offended, then I apologize. I really don't mean to offend the Frozen fans; I just felt like indulging in making fun of Frozen, but I love to make fun of anything I write about, including movies and characters I actually do like._

_Anyway, I don't own the Silmarillion or Frozen. I wish I owned the Silmarillion, because then the lovely Feanor would still be alive. I'm pretty glad I don't own Frozen. _

_So I this is enjoyable. If anyone wants to flame me, then feel free! Flames amuse me, and I will have a great time reading them, while laughing._

* * *

><p><strong>WHAT IF Bonus 2: Fixer Upper! <strong>

**Or In Which Melkor and Maedhros are Forced into a World of Very Annoying Songs and Talking Snowmen**

"I _knew_ I shouldn't have let you wander off from the group!" Maedhros grumbled.

Melkor huffed. "I needed to get away from all of you. You're all insane!"

"Maybe we are, but at least we don't get lost within the first minute of running off!" Maedhros snapped.

"I'm not lost!" Melkor protested.

"Oh really? Then why were you missing for half a day?"

"I'm admiring the scenery."

Maedhros raised an eyebrow.

"I was. And I can get us back. So there."

"Fine. Get us back."

Melkor haughtily sniffed and went off in a random direction. Maedhros rolled his eyes and followed, even though he knew they were hopelessly lost. Because for all the trouble Maedhros had just given Melkor for getting lost, he (Maedhros) was not really one to talk. He was lost, too. He couldn't remember how to get back.

After about 10 minutes of wandering, they ended up back in the same place they had been before. Melkor muttered something under his breath, and kicked a random rock out of his way.

"Okay, we're lost," Maedhros said.

"No, we aren't."

"Yes, we are! You've no idea where we are going!"

"_Excuse me_, I am a Vala, and, as such, I was created with an innate sense of direction." Melkor paused. He looked around. He scrunched his eyebrows together. "Okay… where are we?"

Maedhros faced palmed.

Melkor looked angry and embarrassed. "Well, you find the way back, then!"

"Unlike a certain _someone_, I can admit I'm lost. Let's find someone to ask for directions."

Melkor scoffed. "We don't need directions. We have a map!" Melkor whipped out a random map from a pocket in his armor. (Yes, his armor has pockets)

Maedhros stared at him. "And you didn't think to use it before?"

"…I forgot about it. But, anyway! We can use it now!"

And suddenly, it started to rain. Violently. Oddly, as if fate (or maybe just Eru) had something against the two travelers, the rain stopped as soon as the map was thoroughly soaked.

"…great," Maedhros groaned.

"We can still use it." Melkor spread out the soaked map, trying without success to read the thing.

"Morgoth, let's just find someone to ask for directions. The map is useless now!"

"No!"

"Morgoth!"

Melkor tried to smooth the map out, to see if that would help him read it better. It broke apart. Melkor growled. "We can still use it!"

"Oh, for the love of Eru, what is it with Dark Lords and directions?!"

Melkor glared his EVIL glare. "What is it with Elves and maps?!"

Now, this pointless argument might have gone on for quite some time, if a random glowing portal had not suddenly decided to show up, right next to the Vala and Elf.

Before the two had time to even cry out, the portal sucked them in.

~somewhere very cold~

The first thing Melkor noticed about this place was that it was cold. Very cold. There was snow and ice everywhere.

The second thing he noticed: he could hear the most obnoxious singing he'd ever heard in his entire immortal life. Seriously, it was annoying. From the look on Maedhros's face, the Elf agreed.

Melkor frowned. He was going to kill whoever was responsible for this terrible noise.

It didn't take Melkor and Maedhros long to find the source of the horrible song. And they couldn't help but stare. These weird, gray, rock… people? Things? Creatures? These… whatever they were thingy things were singing and dancing about like maniacs, while a very bemused looking man and woman seemed to be in some sort of ceremony. It looked kind of like marriage, but what marriage had such terrible singing? And… was that a… _walking_ snowman, Melkor saw?!

Maedhros just stared at the scene before him. What the heck was going on?

The singing creatures spotted Melkor and Maedhros and instantly stopped singing. The man and woman looked a bit relieved about that. Melkor couldn't blame them. The snowman thing just kept babbling on, apparently oblivious to the fact the song was over.

Melkor started. Wait… the snowman could talk?! Was he finally going insane?!

Maedhros ended up breaking the awkward silence. "Um… hello."

"Hi," the woman replied. The man just stared at them.

"Sooo…. Um, are we… interrupting something?" Maedhros asked.

"They're getting married!" a random singing creature yelled.

That was apparently news to the two humans, because they both exclaimed, "WHAT?!"

"SUMMER!" the snowman randomly shouted.

Melkor looked around. Summer? It looked like winter to him. Wait… why was he even reacting to something a snowman, a _snowman_, said? Melkor smacked his forehead several times. Was he getting soft from raising that Feanor brat?!

The woman stared at him. "Is he okay?"

"Probably not," Maedhros said. "But don't worry about him. No one ever does."

"Hey!" Melkor snapped, offended.

"Anyway," Maedhros continued, ignoring Melkor, "We don't mean to interrupt, but we're a bit lost. Could you tell us where we are?"

"Arendelle," the woman answered.

"…" Maedhros looked at Melkor. "I'm pretty sure that's not in Middle-earth…?"

Melkor glared. "Why are you asking me?!"

"What's 'Middle-earth'?" the man asked, speaking up for the first time.

"And who are you?" the woman added.

"I'm Maedhros, and that thing over there is Morgoth."

"FIRST of all, my name is Melkor, not Morgoth! SECOND of all, how dare you call me a thing?!" Melkor snarled.

The woman, seemingly oblviouls to Melkor's temper, held out her hand to Maedhros. "I'm Anna, and he's Kristoff! And he's Olaf! Nice to meet you!"

Maedhros shook her hand.

Melkor coughed. "That… snowman has a name?"

"Why wouldn't he?" Anna asked, genuinely puzzled.

Melkor gave her a look like she was insane. "Because he's a snowman…?"

"So?"

"I LOVE SUMMER!" Olaf screamed. He then proceeded to waddle over to Melkor and hold his arms out. "I'M OLAF AND I LIKE WARM HUGS!"

"Eww, get it away from me!" Melkor gasped. "It's so… happy!"

Anna looked offended. Kristoff tried to look disapproving, but seemed to agree with Melkor. The singing things had disagreed sometime during all this. Olaf was completely unaffected and tried to hug Maedhros. Maedhros managed to dodge the hug without seeming rude.

Anna suddenly staggered and would have fallen if Kristoff hadn't caught her.

"Is she… okay?" Maedhros asked.

Melkor wished Maedhros hadn't asked that. Kristoff launched into a whole explanation about a queen with out of control ice powers, who happened to be Anna's sister, and whom also happened to freeze Anna's heart, whatever that meant.

Melkor rolled his eyes and almost gagged when Kristoff mentioned that the only way to thaw her heart was with true love, or some such crap. How cliché. But he really couldn't contain himself when they were told her supposed 'true love' was some guy she only knew for one evening.

"You're risking your entire life on some guy you barely know?" Melkor said. "You're an idiot."

"He loves me!" Anna snapped, offended.

"I doubt it."

Anna's eyes flamed and she whipped out a random ukulele from nowhere, one that happened to be on fire. "IT'S TRUE LOVE!" She then proceeded to swing the ukulele at Melkor.

Melkor easily dodged and hid behind Maedhros.

Maedhros sighed. What kind of Dark Lord hid from a small girl?

"Um… she's kind of touchy about that topic," Kristoff said, in a tone that implied he'd experienced a similar incident with her.

"Oh, golly gee, how I do gosh golly love summer!" Olaf gushed. "Oh, if I could only see it. Gee golly, gosh golly wonkers!"

Melkor raised an eyebrow. "You do know you're made of snow, right?"

Anna elbowed him in the stomach. Hard. Melkor gagged and doubled over. "What was that for?!"

"Don't you dare ruin summer for him!"

"But he's-!"

Maedhros flicked Melkor on the forehead. "Shut up. Be nice."

"NICE, I'M THE DARK LORD, WHY SHOULD I BE NICE, I'M EVIL, AND I WILL-!"

Mekor gagged again as Maedhros jabbed him in the gut. Again.

"Gee willikers!" Olaf exclaimed.

Melkor's eyes burned with EVILNESS. "THAT'S IT, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL!"

But before he could do any damage, the random portal decided to show up again. It sucked up the extremely ticked off Dark Lord, but it waited quite politely for Maedhros.

Maedhros shrugged and waved at the dumbfounded Anna and Kristoff. "Nice meeting you two! Good luck!" And he went through the portal.

Silence.

Kristoff was the first to speak. "Well… that was weird."

Anna nodded in agreement.

Olaf chased after a random snowflake.

The trolls came back to finish the wedding ceremony.

* * *

><p><em>Sadly, Olaf did not melt in this. :( He would have, but I couldn't really find a way for him to melt, without making this chapter too long. Oh, and I have a question for everyone: did anyone catch the two Disney quotes I used? They are from two movies other than Frozen, and are lines spoken by Melkor and Maedhros. I changed the quotes a tiny bit, to fit with the chapter, but not by much. Whoever guess first gets to tell me what kind of chapter they want next! It can be another crossover, or it can be an order to me to stop being lazy and actually write about Gondolin! Tell me who you want to star in the next chapter, what you want to happen! Depending on what the winner wants, it will either be another bonus chapter or part of the main story. The only condition I have for this is it has to have something to do with this story; it can't be an idea for another story. <em>


	10. Glorfindel At Last!

_I swear these chapters are getting more ridiculous... Anyway, we are finally at Gondolin! Time for some Glorfindel!_

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><p><strong>Glorfindel At Last!<strong>

**Or In Which Finrod Realizes He'll Be Bored and Glorfindel has Fabulously Shiny Hair**

Finrod sighed. Life was going to be _so_ boring now. Melkor had decided it was time for his company to get a move on and go to Gondolin. The sooner they got that done, Melkor had declared, the sooner they could return to Angband, and the sooner he, Melkor, could get back to evil scheming. It was a shame, really, because Nargothrond had been so much livelier with all of them. Sure, Gwindor had loudly complained about them the entire time, but who cared what Gwindor though? Finrod certainly didn't. Oh well. Finrod supposed he could always amuse himself by annoying Curufin and Celegorm.

His thoughts were interrupted by Sauron's shriek of horror. "Ohmyeru, I CANNOT believe you, Gwindor! You- you- you broke Fingon's harp?!"

The Maia and Gwindor came storming into view, with a rather put out Fingon trailing behind. Fingon was cradling a mangled harp and looking like he was going to cry.

"Why would you break his harp?" Finrod asked.

Gwindor sniffed. "_I_ didn't break his harp," he replied haughtily.

"Of course you did!" Sauron snapped. "Who else would have?! You've had it in for us the entire time we here!"

"Please. Like I would stoop to such a level."

"Finrod! Burn him at the stake!"

Finrod sighed. "Sauron, we don't burn people at the stake. Do you even have any proof that Gwindor broke the harp? Actual proof, not just because Gwindor doesn't like any of you?"

"…no?"

"Oh. That was me," Curufin said, having walked in on the conversation. "Didn't I tell you, Fingon? Hmmm. Must have forgot. Silly me."

Maedhros came just in time to hear the confession. He whacked Curufin on the head. "You have to buy him a new harp."

"But harps are expensive!"

"You should have thought of that before you broke it."

"It was an accident!"

"HEY! Stop arguing, we're leaving now!" Melkor shouted, having arrived not long after Maedhros.

"But-"

"No buts, Sauron! Time to go! Curufin can deliver the harp to Angband! I'm sure Thuringwethil will take care of it." Melkor snapped.

"It had better be the finest harp money can buy." Maedhros glared at his younger brother.

Fingon coughed. "Don't I get a say in this?"

Everyone ignored him. Fingon sighed.

"Melkor?" Feanor asked. "Can I have a puppy?"

Melkor jumped. "When did you get in here?! And no, you can't!"

Feanor pouted.

~later~

"On the road again! Oh, how good it is to be on the road again! See the trees, see the grass, feel the wind, feel the sun! The bees are singing, and the birds are buzzing! O on the road again, where many mysterious paths dwell!" Sauron sang, as Melkor and company hiked through the wilderness.

Feanor laughed. "What kind of song is that?"

Sauron looked insulted. "My song. I made it up."

"I can-" Feanor broke off, when Maedhros clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Okay, Feanor, be nice."

"But-"

"_Feanor._"

"Fine!"

"So," Gothmog began causally, to a rather irritated Melkor, "how are we going to find the 'hidden city' may I ask?"

"…ask again later."

"He has a point," Fingon said.

Melkor looked pained. "Well, there is one way… BUT I WON'T DO IT!"

"I suppose we could call upon Lord Manwe and ask his eagles to bear us to Gondolin?" Maedhros asked sarcastically.

Silence.

"…seriously?"

"Well, he DOES want us to raise Feanor, so I bet he'd help us out!" Sauron said.

"NO!" Melkor yelled.

"Why, brother, how you wound me," a mysterious voice mysteriously whispered.

And who was that mysterious voice? Why none other than…. Manwe!

"…" said everyone except for Feanor.

Feanor just stared at Manwe like he dared the Vala to come any closer.

"Hello!" Manwe cheerfully said, not at all bothered that no one said anything. "Melkor, I must say, I'm so proud of you, talking little Feanor on a field trip! Looks like my plan is brilliant, just as I thought!"

No one thought they should arugue otherwise. Well, Melkor did, but Maedhros kicked him in the shin.

Manwe didn't even blink as Melkor doubled over, rubbing his shin. "So! In reward for such great parenting, my eagles will take all of you to the hidden city! Don't worry! Turgon and the rest were told to treat you like guests! And of course Melkor won't hurt anyone, because he knows what I'll do if he does!" Manwe grinned, suddenly looking quite threatening.

Melkor didn't want to admit it, but Manwe just freaked him out sometimes.

"So! They'll bear you to the city! Also, that way, none of you will actually nowhere it is, so when you leave, you can't find it again! Have a good trip!" Manwe beamed and vanished.

Eagles came out of nowhere and snatched the unfortunate travelers up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! I HATE HIGHTS!" Sauron screeched

"HOW IS IT POSSIBLE FOR THEM TO LIFT ME?!" Gothmog cried, secretly afraid of heights as well.

"This is weird," Fingon mused.

"MANWE, I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!" Melkor roared.

"AWWWWW YEAH, THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER DONE!" Feanor screamed.

"…" Maedhros said.

~in the majestic Gondolin~

Glorfindel, fabulously swished his hair, and admired its fabulous golden shine. He smiled. He wasn't called Glorfindel for nothing.

Today was a good day. Melkor wasn't causing trouble, Gondolin remained hidden, Turgon was, for once, in a good mood, Glorfindel's hair was perfect. Nothing could go wrong!

Wrong, Glorfy! For the eagles suddenly showed up and happily dumped their cargo right in front of Glorfindel. And one of them was Melkor.

Sauron leapt to his feet and beamed at Glorfindel. "Hi!"

"Hello," Glorfindel answered, like he saw eagles dumping evil dark lords and their lieutenants in front of him every day. "Can I help you?"

Feanor grinned up at Glorfindel. "We're on vacation!"

"Wow, I wonder how many things I could burn here," Gothmog mused.

"What a fancy city…" Fingon said.

Sauron stared at Glorfindel's hair. "Your hair is really shiny…"

Glorfindel proudly whoosed his hair, making sure the sun hit at the perfect angle to make his hair not just shine, but _gleam_.

Feanor and Sauron ooohd and clapped.

Melkor was trying to remember if he could remember the exact path to Gondolin. He sighed. He couldn't.

"You know," Glorfindel told his two new fans, "if you use Luthien Shampoo, like I do, your hair can shine like the sun, just like mine!"

He sounded like he was quoting a line from memory. Melkor wondered if he did hair commercials.

"Maedhros, can we have Luthien Shampoo?!" Feanor and Sauron asked.

"Can I kill someone?" Gothmog asked.

"I wonder how much harps cost here…" Fingon sighed.

"Maedhros?!"

"If only I could remember the way here!"

Glorfindel swished his hair again.

"…" was all Maedhros could say.

* * *

><p><em>Remember, kids, use Luthien Shampoo and your hair can shine like the sun, just like Glorfindel's!<em>


End file.
